February 18, 2025

 I’ve been basically avoiding calls into the in-between realms lately. They still happen but I’ve only responded rarely. I’m in this place of being tired of teaching. I feel full of information and what I really need is to be empty. Meditation provides this emptiness. Maybe this urge is brought on by the busy world in which I live. I’m bombarded with information all the time and a lot of emotions as well from others. Americans–and probably everyone on the Earth right now–are noisy and chaotic. They spew all sorts of stuff all of the time without even realizing it. It’s exhausting. There isn’t any way to tune it out without tuning out the important stuff and I feel like I’m getting better at maintaining my equanimity, largely due to quiet meditations full of nothing.


When I am called into the in-between realms, no surprise, the theme is death. Today was no exception. I found myself in a dark and gloomy wood of tall, straight trees. The feeling of despair was heavy here. Before me was a glowing, golden figure on a horse. I suppose they might have been an angel. Definitely a non-human being and definitely benevolent. The horse came to a stop before me and the being sat there gazing down upon me. I couldn’t see their face. Eventually, I allowed it to haul me up on the saddle behind it and we journeyed through the forest.


We reached a sort of lodge. It was made from heavy beams and was quite beautiful. Golden light poured from within. It was almost blinding. I dismounted the horse upon the being’s invitation and entered the lodge. Curiously, it did not follow.


Inside was a gala filled with a host of golden souls. Unlike the being on horseback, these souls were human. They radiated joy and happiness and were clearly good people but I felt like something was off. Their gaiety seemed forced, almost desperate. As I stood among them–none of them had faces I could see, they just seemed like forms of golden light–I perceived that this forest lodge was surrounded by blackness and these souls were terrified of this blackness. Probably because of this terror, the blackness seemed threatening. At root, all blackness is the blackness of the Absolute and therefore benevolent; however, these souls did not know this.


I opened to the blackness, inviting it in, and the party halted as the golden light of the dancing souls was extinguished. I was left with a bunch of terrified souls but they became less afraid as they realized I was there with them. My own soul body was depthless black but also radiant and the radiance arose and poured forth from my heart. My heart was open. This means it was open to everything. The depth was the depth of happiness, joy and contentment as well as pain, suffering and despair.


These souls were afraid of death, afraid of the Absolute, and I could understand why. The Absolute requires sacrifice and the sacrifice is, well, everything. You have to let yourself dissolve into blackness and be erased. For those who are attached to life, this is a big deal and it’s no surprise it’s met with resistance.


It is easier to surrender, though, when there’s someone with you who gets it. And I get it. I really get it. I know death, despair, sadness, emptiness and loss. I know them deeply.


I also know light and peace and joy and hope.


And I love the Absolute.


I could feel my heart opening both to the Absolute and these souls’ terror and grief. I felt like they passed through me as they dissolved into it. I could feel them brushing through my heart, so tender and delicate and quivering. And I felt all of their emotions. I felt their fear and their loss and I grieved with them. I cried for them, for loss and for the end of things.


And yet loss is part of us. We are all destined to lose everything. And not just once but over and over. Being human is difficult and we don’t make it easier on ourselves when we avoid death because we are also avoiding our deepest love, the Absolute.


***

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