January 8, 2025
I’ve been sensing into the Pearl Body, the form the soul takes as it individuates. It is like a physical body in some ways. For instance, your physical body simply is without you having to do anything about it. The Pearl Body is the same; i.e., it has its own ontological existence and doesn’t require any effort on your part to create or maintain. This is in contrast to the ego which requires a constant input of energy and needs to cathect to the physical body in order to substantiate its existence.
The Pearl Body, like the physical body, has senses that correlate to the physical senses. It is an expression/development of the soul so it is an organ of experience…just like the physical body. It has a definite form, even if that form doesn’t arise in physicality. It grows and develops like the physical body.
In other ways, the Pearl Body is quite different from a physical body. For instance, it is both a portal and a sort of container at the same time. It doesn’t age per se, at least as far as I can tell, but it does mature. Its shape can be very definite and it can also shift and change. It transcends Reality, going all the way to non-existence, the Absolute. Unlike the body, it can’t be damaged but it certainly can feel pain and be hurt. The pain and hurt doesn’t cause damage, though. In other words, it doesn’t seem to be able to be injured.
Another thing that seems important to point out is that it is a source of light. It isn’t creating the light but it is made of pure Being and Being is luminous by nature. Being a light source is very important and also practical because you can use its natural illumination to perceive what is present.
This morning, I was thinking about the old movie, The Matrix, while I meditated. Unlike the movie, I don’t believe that human beings’ bodies are lived off by an artificial intelligence that constructs their mental reality. However, the metaphor is apt in other ways. When we are identified with our egos (like 99.999% of humans), we are living in a fabricated reality, the object representational world. We are so engaged and consumed by this world that we are asleep to Reality and our true natures. In a sense, we are blind because all we see is the world of ego which is cathected to the physical world.
The development of the Pearl Body offers freedom from the fixed world of ego. We slowly begin to wake up to True Nature and become aware of how our egos and our identification with them is shaping our view of reality. The light of Being is inherent to the Pearl Body and allows us to see more and more clearly. We can eventually see the ego. I mean really see it. See its structure, its color, its shape, taste, touch, feel it. The Pearl Body makes this possible.
Today, I meditated and was aware of my primary ego structure–the one that formed as a result of this current lifetime–and the other ego, the one I call Lucas, the one who was in love with Griffin in a previous lifetime. The overall container of my experience with the Pearl Body. This held the experience and shed light on it, making everything much clearer. It is also deeply benevolent and this benevolence increases trust and surrender, facilitating healing and understanding.
As I tuned into the ‘Lucas Ego,’ I saw it as a body wrapped in a caul, much like a fetus is encased by the placenta. Curious, I touched this caul, causing the casing to split open. I thought that Lucas would tumble out of it and so was surprised when the body that emerged from the caul was quite big and beefy. Griffin, I realized. This is Griffin. But, if this was Griffin, where was Lucas?
I didn’t need to wait long to find out: Griffin was curled around Lucas, protecting him. Both were asleep and covered in clear slime, much like newborn babies. Seeing them entwined like that was a very emotional experience for me. It brought up a lot of the memories I still hold, painful ones as well as beautiful ones. It made sense that Griffin and Lucas would be merged together like this because this is how I feel Griffin: He is part of me. We are united, sharing the same heart.
As I stared down at the entwined bodies of Lucas and Griffin and felt the pain of their union and their suffering, I became aware of my present day ego. He showed up as a fox kit tied up with black plastic tape. His body was wrapped so tightly that he could barely breathe. The tape even covered his eyes. It was like most ego experience: Blind, insular, inward-looking.
This fox kit was enraged. He was like a ball of fury wrapped in that awful tape. I approached and freed him, unwinding the tape and allowing him to emerge, all teeth and claws and fury. This poor thing was like a cornered fox, worked into a frenzy so volatile he would attack anything that came near. What could I do but sit with him until he calmed down?
He did calm down eventually and he lost his animal appearance as he did so. I realized that his fox appearance was like the Animal Soul, a primitive part of the human psyche/ego. As it dissipated, he took on the form of an adorable four-year-old boy. Four years old seemed appropriate because that’s the age when the ego coalesces. It’s also the age when I was hospitalized for clinical depression. One of the factors behind this depression was not being able to handle the fallout from Lucas’ death. The potent charge of feelings and anger and frustration and pain and fury that I carried over from my life as Lucas burned into this lifetime, overwhelming me at times. The resolution was the formation of my current ego structure and the splitting off of the part of me that is Lucas. It wasn’t an optimal solution and came with a high price but it was the most workable solution for the time.
I cuddled this tender little boy, so adorable and innocent and cute. I was a little uncertain whether to introduce him to Lucas and Griffin because of the more adult nature of their posture. Both were naked and entwined. It wasn’t overtly sexual but it was definitely intimate, not exactly age appropriate for a four-year-old. In the end, I decided that this little boy needed to see them. He might not understand them or know what was going on but I could feel that the overarching presence/container of the Pearl Body would help.
These two ‘structures,’ the Lucas/Griffin structure and the early ego structure needed to be in proximity. They had been split off for too long and the split had caused a lot of trauma and damage. (Unlike the Pearl Body, the ego can most assuredly be damaged.) And so I stood there with this young boy, holding his hand, as he stared at Lucas and Griffin, drinking them in. Lucas and Griffin remained asleep and there was no obvious resolution. Still, as the meditation came to a close, I could feel how important it was for these disparate parts of myself to come together and be present.
Oh, I forgot to mention the parasites! Before I found the boy/fox, I realized that Lucas and Griffin were being preyed upon by black demonlike creatures with very large mouths filled with rows of teeth. I know they sound scary and grotesque but you might remember my feelings about parasites are nuanced. Just as caterpillars parasitize plants before turning into butterflies that help pollinate some of the very plants they formerly parasitized, the same can be true of parasites in the Imaginal.
I’ve suspected that pretty much every ego is parasitized by something, much like in the movie, The Matrix. These parasites are one reason I suspect that egos are so fixed and stable; the parasite tends to keep the ego in place and resistant to change or waking up. It is not in its self-interest for the ego to wake up. Still, I don’t think it’s useful to focus on ridding oneself of parasites because, much like parasites in the physical world, most of the parasites in the Imaginal do not kill their hosts or seriously harm them. They weaken the host, sure, but it’s better to focus on the ego itself. Understanding the ego is a more efficient way toward liberation. Plus, you don’t want to kill a parasite that may very well eventually turn into something very beneficial.
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