August 8, 2023
It’s been a while since I’ve been called into the Imaginal realms. I’ve been busy with work and also feeling blocked around my heart center. Yesterday, while meditating, the reason for the blockage appeared before me. My Soul Child–i.e., the early structure in the soul formed during childhood (in this lifetime, I assume)--had been triggered by something a friend of mine did. My Soul Child had it rough and learned early how to close down and shut everyone out. I learned at a young age that I couldn’t trust anyone, even my parents, and the only reasonable way to survive was to seal everything out. Periodically, this structure gets triggered by something that happens in my current life and I find myself retreating within that protective barrier.
Of course, the barrier blocks everything, including access to my heart and to Essence. And it doesn’t really protect me from anything because, well, really nothing can protect the heart. We can toughen up and go to sleep but our hearts still feel everything. Sooner or later, we have to let down the defenses and feel.
The Soul Child loosened its grip yesterday after I saw why it had been triggered. I was able to be with it as an adult, giving it what it needed. Because my Soul Child doesn’t trust, it needs to be bathed in the loving light of the innate goodness of Being. Only this loving light will allow it to open and trust again. It’s a beautiful thing when it happens.
And so this morning I found myself standing in a fantastical realm. It was like something out of Alice in Wonderland with the strangest trees and most vibrant colors. I felt like I was in a mushroom forest. There was a cloaked woman standing before me. She was like a shadow in this garish landscape, almost a tear in the fabric of reality. She was benevolent, though. That much I could tell. She stood before me, wrapped in her cloak, only her eyes and a little bit of her face and hair visible.
She walked past me. I knew she wanted me to follow her. I turned around and did so, walking down a rough path through this fantasy forest. At first I believed I was seeing the moon but, as we neared it, I realized it was a huge, round rock, almost like an asteroid. Its chalky surface really did look like the moon and it glowed silvery white. The cloaked woman walked behind this glowing orb. I followed and discovered an opening into a cliff that was immediately behind the ‘moon’.
The woman entered the cavern, motioning for me to come. Even before I set foot inside, I knew where we were heading: To Griffin. Several times in the past, I’ve met him after going through a crystalline cave; this crack in the cliff opened into just such a cave. Inside, the ceiling, walls and floor were all pure, jagged crystal. It was like walking into a hall of mirrors and I would have gotten lost if not for the woman in the black cloak.
Predictably, the crystal cave opened finally into another, much more prosaic cave. This one was very familiar to me. There was a stream running through it and a gravel bar beside the stream. On the other side of the stream, the bank rose sharply and formed a stone shelf, perhaps six feet tall. This shelf overlooked the stream and, on its far side, led to a long, wide opening through which sunlight poured in. The green shadows of trees played off the walls of the opening, indicating that a forest grew over the opening.
I already knew where I would find Griffin. He’s always lying in the same place in the cave: On the gravel bar beside the stream. Sure enough, I spotted him and made my way over. I noticed as I did so that the cloaked woman had transformed upon entering the cave and now looked like a humanoid fruit bat. (Again with the fruit bats!) Her eyes were enormous, black and glittery. She looked back at me, unblinking. Her snout protruded from the hood of the cloak. Her body, including the snout, was covered in chocolate brown fur. Her ‘hands’ were webbed, delicate and clawlike.
I barely noticed. I was too focused on Griffin. His body was as big as ever but he was much older than I’ve ever seen him, probably in his sixties. He was pale as a ghost and his whole body was silvery. His hair, face, even his clothing was silver. It wasn’t a healthy color. I was chilled looking down upon him and immediately knelt beside him, holding his big hands in mine and crying profusely.
His eyes blinked open and he smiled as he looked up at me, although he also winced in pain. Reaching up to cup my cheek in a calloused hand, he murmured, “Look at you! You’re so beautiful! And strong! How you’ve grown up!”
I couldn’t answer because I was too busy crying. I could feel his eyes upon me, searching. He was taking in my changes. I was vaguely aware that my body was that of a young man in the prime of life. Wearing only a loincloth, my body was long and lean and muscular. Further, my skin glowed with the golden light of health and vigor.
Griffin, in contrast, was fading away.
He looked over at the rock ledge on the other side of the stream. I could see in his eyes that he was remembering our time together. “We made love so many times over there,” he said. “It was our spot. The one place we could always go and be alone together. You were so beautiful then. And you’re even more beautiful now.” He looked at me fondly and I broke down in tears again.
“Go and leave me,” he said, lifting his hand to motion me away. “My time is over and yours has just begun. I don’t have the strength to go on.”
“No!” I shouted, startling both of us. “Your time is not over! Don’t you get it? This is our cycle! It’s all a cycle and you can’t ever get rid of me. We’re part of each other. We’ll always be part of each other.”
With that, I lifted him in my arms. He was big and heavy but my body was very strong and it wasn’t difficult carrying him. I plodded through the cave, holding him gently, and walking through the water of the stream. Ahead, around the bend, I could see a familiar white glow on the walls of the cave and knew we were headed to the Crossroads. I carried him out of the cave and into the wintery woods filled with snow-covered trees. It was starkly beautiful and Griffin looked at it in awe.
“I will go with you,” I said. “I will never leave you.”
We both knew that was a lie but Griffin didn’t say anything.
The Woman in White was waiting for us at the Crossroads. When I brought Griffin to her, I said, “I’m going with you! I have to go with you!”
The woman smiled, her eyes filled with compassion. “You know you can’t,” she said. “It’s not your place.”
I put Griffin down and helped him to his feet. He was still weak and leaned on me. He was watching me with such fondness that it broke my heart. “I will see you again, Little One,” he said, placing his hand on my head. “Don’t be sad. Like you said, we’re never really apart.”
I was crying hard at this point but I knew he was right and I knew I couldn’t accompany him. I hugged him fiercely, only parting reluctantly. My nostrils were filled with his rich scent and the warmth of his big body was still on me. The Woman in White took him by the hand and led him away. They both looked back at me and waved before disappearing into the mist.
I was now alone at the Crossroads with the batwoman. She had followed me out of the cave and was standing in the middle of the path, waiting for me. I approached her and blinked in surprise when I realized we were now standing in a land of golden sunlight. Everything was drenched in gold. Everything was pure and alive and free and beautiful. Everything was filled with truth. This is the place I refer to as the Land of Truth.
The batwoman knelt before me and closed her lambent eyes. She was meditating. I took it as a cue and settled down beside her, closing my eyes and meditating as well. The message was clear: Meditate and let the Truth melt you from within. Let it dissolve you completely.
Let it be.
***
