April 25, 2023

 Batboy came back! I have to say I was surprised and, as usual, I only figured out what was really going on afterwards. I swear I’m terrible at figuring things out in the Imaginal as they are happening. You’d think I’d learn to wait and trust that what I need to know will be revealed at the right time but I’m always second guessing what’s happening and am frequently wrong.

Here’s the latest:

I was meditating and kept feeling like I was in a cave surrounded by bats. I’ve been in bat caves before and they ranged from mildly unpleasant to very gross. This was mildly unpleasant (fortunately) and I didn’t get too grossed out by the bats swarming over me. At first, I thought the bats were demons attached to my soul in some way but I was wrong. They weren’t attached to me, just crowding around me. Further, it soon became clear that I was a bat, or batlike, as well. I was one of them, or at least was appearing that way right now.

Once I realized I had taken on the form of a batman–to be distinguished from the batboy I was about to meet again by my adult size–my eyes were opened and I realized I was inside the cave. Further, it was daytime and there was light streaming in through entrance of the cave. I extracted myself from my bat brethren and made my way toward the light. My body was basically humanoid but I had brown fur in patches around my body and had leathery wings like a bat. Also, my head was bat-like. I didn’t understand at first until I met a guide was who standing at the entrance to the cave.

Like the Woman in White–the psychopomp I frequently meet during these excursions in the Imaginal, this ‘man’ was dressed also in white. I couldn’t get an exact read on his appearance, other than he was an elder, maybe of Native American origin, and he was dressed in white robes. Were they animal skins or white leather or something else? I have no idea. Likewise with his face; he was vaguely humanoid but I don’t think he’s human. I believe he is probably a god of some sort. He was glad to see me and, when I asked who he was, he said only, “A friend.”

I looked at my bat-body, kind of amazed and confused until I belatedly figured out that this body wasn’t for my benefit; it was for the benefit of the soul I had been called here to assist. In other words, just as a guide’s appearance will change depending on who they are meeting (taking a form that is recognizable as benevolent), so does my appearance change as needed. It soon became clear who that was.

The Man in White motioned for me to get going and I understood that I was intended to fly with my wings to the foreordained meeting. I sailed off the cliff at the entrance to the cave and looked down, realizing that I was gliding over a foggy forest. The forest was familiar to me; it is the forest of the crossroads, a place I am frequently called to at these times. The woods are skeletal trees and there is usually heavy mist. The ground is either ash or snow or frosted ground.

As soon as I realized that this was the forest of the crossroads, I started my descent, landing on the roadway. No sooner had I alit but I was nearly knocked off my feet by the batboy. He must have been waiting for me and was overjoyed to see me. He definitely remembered me from our meeting a few days ago and, this time, our coming together was sweet and touching for both of us. It was obvious that he saw me not just as an adult but as an adult who like him; i.e., queer. The feeling between us was intense. I could feel my relative maturity and knew that he really needed me, really looked up to me as a mentor and as a guide.

He was probably twelve or thirteen years old, a boy on the verge of adolescence. I still don’t quite understand the reason we were batlike, though. I remember a few days ago when I met him, he believed he was a monster and his bat form was a reflection of this. Was he wearing the form now as a badge of honor? Is he even human when he’s not in the Imaginal? I have no idea. We were batmen and that was that.

I knew we were being called in a particular direction and the boy seemed anxious to be going. He was looking for someone and that someone soon became clear to me. I should note at this point, I had no idea why I was there. I mean, I’d already liberated the batboy from his black prison. And he clearly already had a guide who was ready to take him on his way. So, why me? Why was I here?

He led me down the roadway uphill through the forest to a white tower. I’ve seen such towers before and knew someone or something important was inside. He sensed this as well. He couldn’t see who was inside but I could. There were bloody bones and bits of flesh strewn about the ground outside the tower and there didn’t appear to be a doorway inside. The tower, however, reacted to the presence of the boy and, upon his approach, a doorway appeared in the side of the tower.

I could ‘see’ to the top of the tower where there was a sealed room that was in darkness. Within the darkness was a tormented black ‘demon’ that wasn’t really a demon. I could tell that it thought it was a demon, though, much like the batboy had assumed he was a monster when I first met him.

Here’s where I got it wrong: I assumed this ‘demon’ was the batboy’s inner shadow and that he was intended to climb the tower and meet it. I explained that this was part of his growth process and he didn’t need me to do it for him. He just kind of looked up at me expectantly as if he didn’t understand. When I looked into the open door of the tower, though, I understood at last that I, not the boy, was intended to ascend.

I climbed the tower, reaching the top chamber and meeting the little demon. Its form was pure black, a familiar kind of blackness to me by this point. It’s the blackness of the Absolute and, finally, I understood why I’d been called here: I was supposed to reach into the demon’s blackness and draw out the one who was cowering in fear inside him. (I told you that I’m kind of dense, right? You’d think I’d know this by now; I’m never called into the Imaginal just for fun. There’s work to be done!)

Reaching into the demon’s gaping black jaws, I was surprised to find a small child inside. He was, like me and the batboy waiting at the bottom of the tower, also part bat. He was a lot younger than the other batboy, though, at most six years old and possibly younger. It was hard to tell. In any case, he was terrified and clung to me, sobbing. Like the other batboy, he recognized me as one of his one and responded to me with trust and relief. He knew that I was there to help and that he wasn’t alone.

I carried him down the tower. As soon as we exited, I understood who this pair of batboys were: They were soulmates, just like Griffin and me. In fact, my adult ‘batman’ form, I could readily see, wasn’t just my form but me and Griffin together. We were, in this place, twinned, united, as one. We were together and that, more than anything else, was what the two boys were responding to.

Here was another pair of soulmates and Griffin and I had been sent to help them. They still had a long way to go yet, being just children, but they were reinvigorated meeting us. I mean, I know that Griffin and I still have a long way to go, too. As far as I can tell, only I am free to travel through other realms and he’s basically asleep. But that’s just the way it is right now and will likely change in the future. We’re both still growing and developing and evolving. Who knows what will happen?

To say the two batboys were delighted to be reunited with each other is an understatement. And, as one who is paired with a soulmate, I feel I am uniquely qualified to understand exactly how they felt. It affected me deeply and continues to affect me. It also opened my eyes to the fact that I’m always joined with Griffin during these trips to the Imaginal. Without him, I wouldn’t be there. We share the same body, the same soul. And that soul body is still evolving.

***