April 8, 2022

 I was correct about Leah, the Ridhwan teacher that I reached out to recently about the Imaginal. She has a lot of experience ‘traveling’ in the Imaginal and her experiences comport closely with my own. Hers have had a somewhat different focus (while she has had experiences helping lost souls, she has also studied with Mary Magdalene and Yeshua whereas my teachers tend to be in the underworld.) It’s been good to share our experiences, mostly because I am human and it feels good to have another person I trust and who is also a Ridhwan teacher validate my experience. We’ll see where this goes from here.

I think my decision to reach out to Leah signals a shift. I haven’t wanted to admit that I need a teacher, probably for egoic reasons. I’ve believed (naively, I think) that I could ‘go it alone’ in the Imaginal and didn’t need a teacher any longer. While this may be partly true–certainly, I’m capable of following and responding to Diamond Guidance–the Imaginal is a vast terrain and I’m still a babe in the woods. I feel more confident after having more experiences over the past year but I’m still a neophyte.

So, today I began my meditation by inviting teaching. I was also preoccupied with Griffin. As you know from reading this, I periodically feel sorry for myself for being separated from him. It’s hard being joined on a soul level but not having access to him on the physical level. Also, our journeys are different and I don’t get the sense that he’s able to hang out in the Imaginal like I can. I feel connected to him but I also feel like he’s asleep most of the time. It’s hard because I long for him. He’s part of me and yet feels so far away sometimes. I wonder if I’ll ever ‘see’ him again and, of course, I also wonder if he’s just a figment of my imagination. The persistence of the longing and depth of the connection I feel with him, though, makes this seem less likely.

I was in a grey-blue place for a long time while I sat in meditation. After a while, things came into focus and I realized that I was seeing a block of ice. Frozen in the center of the blue-grey ice was a man. I immediately thought of the somewhat hokey movie, Iceman, from 1984 with Timothy Hutton. For better or worse, this is the image that stuck with me.

Experiences in the Imaginal are symbolic so I don’t put a lot of stock in the appearance of things. It was clear that this man frozen in a block of ice wasn’t literally frozen in ice. He was metaphorically frozen…or, I suppose, it’s possible that he died frozen in water. Unlike most of the lost souls I meet in the Imaginal, he wasn’t surrounded by blackness which leads me to believe he might not have been physically dead. It’s possible he was frozen inside but physically still alive. Whatever the case, one thing was clear: He needed to be freed.

I didn’t do anything to free him; that was his job. My job was just to stay with him, be a gentle presence. I was aware of my presence as being one of light, mostly white, gold and yellow light in a fluid form that was constantly shifting. The light was the light of Being shining through me. He, on the other hand, possessed a form that was pretty static. He was clearly a white male, probably hetero. I didn’t feel any sexual attraction to him despite the fact that he was handsome and youthful and mostly naked. Somehow, that just didn’t seem appropriate.

As I stayed with him, the ice thawed and he stirred, waking up. He was a little startled to see me. I welcomed him, informing him where he was and letting him know that he was now free. I invited him to take his time waking up. There was no hurry, nothing to do. I also let him know who I was, mostly reassuring him that I was human, too, even though I probably didn’t appear to be. There was a sense of relief and of hope as he awakened, also of determination. Now that he was awake, he knew that his journey had to continue.

Things happened suddenly then. He morphed from an adult man into a baby and another being like me showed up to take him away. I knew from experience that this was his guide. The interesting thing is that I knew this guide and I shared a common history. We were both human and our souls had evolved and were evolving. I also knew that we had started out as something other than human, that our human lives were a stage, part of the evolutionary process. I couldn’t tell if the guide was still embodied and, like other entities I meet in the Imaginal, they seemed to contain all genders, all ages. Given this, I couldn’t assign a definite gender to them. One thing that was clear, however, was that both this guide and I looked the same; we were both made of light and our light-bodies were similar, golden/yellow/white/soft blue. This was important because I knew were the same.

Belatedly, I realized this was the teaching I had asked for. This guide/being was showing me through gnosis more of who I am. By simply being with each other, we were also within each other and, when we were merged, learning happened. I could feel the steadiness of their presence, their sense of calm and ease as well as their deep stability. As we stayed like that, blended together, more learning happened. I felt my heart open further and my being relaxed.

Near the end, my boundaries or at least my desire for boundaries were challenged by this entity. I was wondering about our relationship to one another and they said something like, “Maybe I’m your brother, your sister, your mother, your father, your lover. Maybe I’m all of those things at once.” This rubbed against my boundaries which I realize are based on life in the physical world. In the physical world, separation is important. And it is repugnant for reasons I don’t need to go into here to be intimate in such a complete way with people who are brothers, sisters, fathers and mothers. In the Imaginal, though, such rules may no longer apply. Also, I associate such complete intimacy with sex and that’s not what was going on here, although there is a vulnerability and bareness in the merged contact that is similar to sex. 

If nothing else, this interaction showed me the edge of my growth, putting me in touch with my biases and challenging them. Is there such a thing as boundaries in the Imaginal? What is considered healthy? Does it matter? Everything can merge and overlap, how do we keep it straight? I have some ideas but will need to test them. I see now, though, why it is possible for angelic beings to become contaminated by a ‘fallen’ human soul. It’s possible that some angels can’t resist the pull of a human and are naive to the darkness we’re capable of. We can turn them into demons.

Before we parted, the guide acknowledged this. As a human soul, there are no restrictions on us. We have access to the whole spectrum of experience, from the divine to the depraved–and we *must* have access to it all, we *must* know it all if we are to continue to evolve and to do our work. Part of our work is to guide and to guide we have to be able to ‘travel’ to the darkest depths and remain fully ourselves.

So, my meditation didn’t do anything to resolve the Griffin conundrum and it didn’t unfold the way I would have predicted. But it did bring a teacher and I was challenged, albeit in unexpected ways. It is making me rethink my relationship with the Imaginal. I’ve been hesitant to ask for anything from it, embracing a neutral stance. Now I see what probably should have been obvious from the start: The Imaginal opened up as a teaching path. Having outgrown my Diamond Approach teachers, it’s time to take the next step and open to the teaching in a new way. If I trust Diamond Guidance and am open to being taught, the Imaginal will lead me where I need to go and help me to learn what I need.

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